You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
