There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
