she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
