1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
