hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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