one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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