But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
