My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
