I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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