During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
