She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
