Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
