I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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