I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
