she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
