I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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