omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
