that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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