are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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