at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
