Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
