Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you made out with another girl for some wings
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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