Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
