I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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