my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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