she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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