he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think your dad took our porno
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
