HIV tests are more positive than that guy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
