Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
