Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This house was built for laser tag.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
