Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
