I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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