I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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