it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He passed out mid-signature
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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