When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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