Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
