I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
