I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
