I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
