I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
