he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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