So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
