i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs