Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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