I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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