last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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