Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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