Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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