Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
