Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They took my balls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
