You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
