During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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