she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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