Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
