Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
