shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
