She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
as a side note pls kill me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
