evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
