Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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