I'm going to jail i love you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
