I can tuck mytits in my pants
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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